The WhatsApp group: Gold Command prepares for a special visitor* – The Times

King Charles Where’s my toothbrush? Valet By the sink in your en suite, Your Majesty. Charles Bloody hell, which en suite? Valet The third one, as usual, Your Majesty. Queen Camilla I can hear shouting, Charles. You’re not shouting, are you? Charles No, dear. Just trying to find my toothbrush. Sir Keir Starmer Morning, Your Majesty. We’ve had the requests for the state visit. Charles Is it a hundred cheeseburgers? Starmer Very good, Your Majesty. Camilla Three whole days trying to work out if Melania is having a stroke or if she’s just been at the Valium and Botox cocktails again. Make sure they’ve got my gins lined up, we’ll do the old Buxton switcheroo. Starmer Yes, Your Majesty. I just want to run through the requests we’ve had direct from the president. Charles Get on with it then. One has one’s gardeners to bollock. Starmer Well, he’s delighted about the carriage procession. He just wants to check that his carriage is golden. Charles I thought we agreed we would be in the same carriage. Starmer He wants his own carriage and for it to be the most golden. Camilla Christ. Starmer He also wants to check that his throne
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