Why teens defy—and how parents can help – University of Rochester

New research shows that teens heed warnings more when parents model their values and show understanding. Adolescence is a period when some teenagers begin experimenting with risky or rule-breaking behaviors such as skipping school, drinking, lying, or staying out past their curfew. When parents find out, their natural response is often to warn their child: Continue with the behavior and you’ll incur stricter rules, less freedom, and the loss of privileges. On the surface, this response seems a reasonable attempt to deter further misbehaving. But how do teens actually experience these warnings—and why do some comply while others become even more defiant? A team of US and Israeli researchers—among them University of Rochester psychologist Judith Smetana—set out to find answers. The resulting study, published in the Journal of Youth and Adolescence, concludes that the way teenagers receive their parents’ warnings depends less on the message itself and more on whether they see their parents as genuinely living up their own purported values. If parents model their values consistently in everyday life and appear satisfied and vital while acting on their values, their warnings are more likely to be perceived by their teenagers as caring guidance. If not, teens often experience
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