'Gauchos DTF?' How to solicit sex on the class of '27 Snapchat story | The Daily Nexus

Faith Talamantez/The Daily Nexus As UC Santa Barbara’s coolest and sexiest new students adjust to their college lifestyles, the class of 2027 goes to new lengths in order to find sex without having to look each other in the eyes. In reaction to unexpected involuntary celibacy, students take to soliciting sex on the communal Snapchat story. After lurking on there, for research purposes I swear, here are some of my (internet sexpert) best tips on how to engage in communal coitus over Snapchat. 1. Post headshots and a resume No one wants to hook up with an unmotivated loser. You’re soliciting sex on the class of 2027 story because you’re a cool, sexually-active badass. Show it! You can get professional nude headshots and resume help at the UCSB Career Services. Maybe link the LinkedIn while you’re at it? 2. Let your potential partners see a slice of your riveting life If you want meaningful connections, you MUST post your everyday life and emotions. “Gauchos in class?” “Horny Gauchos?” “Gauchos eating Wingstop in the middle of the night?” Your future conquests, along with everyone else on the story, want to hear all about that! Let us all know how cool and
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