Does your business English let you down? Turn it into pure corporate gibberish with LinkedIn Speak

Name: LinkedIn Speak. Age: One month old. Appearance: An excellent solution for optimising the impact of your high-level strategic narratives and refining complex communication streams. Huh? Didn’t you hear me? It’s a profound deep dive into the unique value-add narratives leveraged by high-level stakeholders to strategically optimise their professional brand equity and thought leadership positioning. Please, I’m begging you, stop. Oh fine, it’s a feature on a translation app designed to make everything you say sound like it was written for LinkedIn, the pervasive professional networking site. That wasn’t so hard. Yes it was. Do you know what happens to people who speak plainly on LinkedIn? No. They are ostracised. The sole purpose of LinkedIn is to make users look like the sort of relentlessly go-getting achievers who only read books about synergy management strategies. So? So imagine if you just wandered in and wrote something inane, such as: “I just saw a lovely donkey.” You would never be promoted again. But what if I really did see a lovely donkey? Then you write: “I recently had a powerful reminder that consistent effort and carrying the heavy loads often go unrecognised, yet they are the backbone of any successful operation.”
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